It hurts. It's like my heart is being torn into a million pieces and I can't do anything about it. It's like I'm drowning all the time and finding it hard to breathe. I go to the surface to get some air and then find myself in a room filled with people who simply pass me by. I don't recognize any of them and they don't seem to know me either. As I scream to gather what's left of my sanity, I find myself engulfed in darkness. I am all alone. If there is one thing I dread, it's the fact that when everything dissolves into nothingness, I will have nothing left to hold on to but myself. The thought kills me. The thought pains me. It's just too much to bear.
Moving on is easier said than done. Everybody knows that. Letting go is another serious matter. In my 26 years of existence, I've realized early on that I should learn to bear with such things however, they are still hard to accomplish. I first had to deal with letting go and moving on when my grandfather passed away. He was a great man and I loved him dearly. He looked after me when my parents had to leave for another country and it was sad enough that I had to endure the pain of not seeing him take his last breath but what's even sadder was that he really wanted to be with me at that time. Sadly, I wasn't able to be there upon his request due to the fact that I was living with my family in another country at that time and due to budget issues, I couldn't go home to come see him. It was heartbreaking.
After months of grieving and trying to be happy again, I was back on my feet. By then, I have grown mature in the sense that I realized what it was like to lose someone. It was like I had a hole punched through me, like a void that can never be filled again, like a reminder of what it was that had left. It will remain inside of me. Like a scar from a wound, it will forever haunt me. I may have learned how to let go and move on but the memory of the experience lives on. Now that I am older, I have had several other life experiences that required me to let go and move on. From each downfall, from each heartbreak, from each experience, I have learned. Now, all of them are nothing but a simple memory. I smile to myself when I remember what it was like back then and looking back, I realize that I am lucky. I'm a lot happier now than I used to be. I guess moving on and letting go may take time and may not be easy but once you do, you'll truly live a life worth living. A life without sorrow, regret or suffering. I want that kind of life which is why I'm trying hard to get by day by day to earn it. I hope everyone does too...
If it's true what people say about life then we all must keep on moving on...
Sometimes you just have to do things without over-analyzing. Keep it together. Do what you have to do!
I couldn't agree more...
Moving on is easier said than done. Everybody knows that. Letting go is another serious matter. In my 26 years of existence, I've realized early on that I should learn to bear with such things however, they are still hard to accomplish. I first had to deal with letting go and moving on when my grandfather passed away. He was a great man and I loved him dearly. He looked after me when my parents had to leave for another country and it was sad enough that I had to endure the pain of not seeing him take his last breath but what's even sadder was that he really wanted to be with me at that time. Sadly, I wasn't able to be there upon his request due to the fact that I was living with my family in another country at that time and due to budget issues, I couldn't go home to come see him. It was heartbreaking.
After months of grieving and trying to be happy again, I was back on my feet. By then, I have grown mature in the sense that I realized what it was like to lose someone. It was like I had a hole punched through me, like a void that can never be filled again, like a reminder of what it was that had left. It will remain inside of me. Like a scar from a wound, it will forever haunt me. I may have learned how to let go and move on but the memory of the experience lives on. Now that I am older, I have had several other life experiences that required me to let go and move on. From each downfall, from each heartbreak, from each experience, I have learned. Now, all of them are nothing but a simple memory. I smile to myself when I remember what it was like back then and looking back, I realize that I am lucky. I'm a lot happier now than I used to be. I guess moving on and letting go may take time and may not be easy but once you do, you'll truly live a life worth living. A life without sorrow, regret or suffering. I want that kind of life which is why I'm trying hard to get by day by day to earn it. I hope everyone does too...
"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."
ReplyDelete--- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
It is truly hard to move and let go. Pain can make you the best and the worse of all people. Well, it depends on what path you will choose. :) Wonderful post!
ReplyDeleteThanks Mom and thanks Susan!
ReplyDelete