Sunday, August 28, 2011

Love Is...

If love is simply a matter of choice and not a strong feeling that moves you from within then what happens if the choice that you made is a wrong one? Our mind is plagued with doubt and uncertainty that anybody can ever stay with anyone for eternity. There are only a handful few who believe that couples who get married should be together until the day they die. I, on the other hand, am caught in the middle of everything. I want to believe in a happy ever after but how can I when I know that such a thing is becoming more and more of a myth these days? I have often told people how much of a realist I am but at the same time, I still try to stick to what I really am, which is a hopeless romantic. Many people have asked questions like "Is he truly the one for me" or "Did I make the right choice"? Sometimes it is hard to tell them the truth and sometimes it is even more difficult to show them how wrong their choices were in love. 

If love was a choice then what if I made the wrong one? What does that make me? A fool, you say? Honestly, only you can answer that. If there is one thing I learned from this life, it is the fact that nothing...I say nothing...stays the same forever. At some point, you need to understand that the only constant thing in this world is change and with that being said, we should know that all of us should be prepared for what is to come. If you married a man who used to be the sweetest guy in the world and as he grows older, he becomes cold then just face it. Truth is, you'll be changing too. I am afraid of change and I don't really know how to handle it very well especially when it comes to my partner. I get frustrated and confused. Maybe I am just asking for too much sometimes. A friend told me that I am the living proof of this idea. Love used to mean something more different to her but after I took a leap of faith, she realized that it was all about taking that giant leap and just doing it. Sometimes I ponder on it, trying to figure out if it was all bravery or stupidity but there is no point in thinking about that now. 

Sometimes I just want to have a heart of stone or perhaps one of ice so that whenever I am hurt and made a fool of, I can just stop wearing my heart upon my sleeve and just be apathetic about it. Sometimes I just don't want to care anymore, sometimes I just want to feel nothing at all. Sometimes the pain is too much to bear that I just want to leave everything behind me and start anew but how can I when I have already made a choice? If love truly is a matter of choice, how do I get away from it when I realize that the choice I made was not worth it? How can I bring back the hands of time to get back to how things were? I guess there is no turning back from this path. What hurts the most is when you realize that nothing has changed in your partner but at the same time, there are some things that did. How can you face someone, live with someone, eat with someone and breathe the same air as someone who just hurts you eventually even after making you feel like you should trust him/her again this time? I guess love is fragile. You can always do a million things right to keep it alive but just make one tiny error and it dies. It sucks doesn't it?

I feel bad because I constantly crush the illusions and dreams of people who want to feel like love will save them or change them. I wish I could put my faith in such a word but in reality it is just a four letter word. Sometimes it is even a lame excuse to use these days. What is love? Define it. We all have different interpretations as to how it should be defined and used. I, myself, don't have just one definition for it but I would rather not tell you what it means right now for me. Right now is not the best time to do so. For a feel like a fool for trusting someone with my heart even I knew what the consequences would be. I knew that I would lose everything else I held dear just for him and yet I was blinded by love. Perhaps too blinded that I failed to realize everything and anything else around me. Which is why I can't stop myself from questioning why I did something like it. I do not question my strong feelings for him. All I question is my sanity for ever doing something like it. I guess it was something like a spur of the moment decision. I am just hoping that I do not live to regret it. 

So what do you do when the one you love keeps on making you feel like you made the wrong choice in choosing him/her? That my friend is a lot harder than it seems. There is no point in arguing over this matter and it would be pointless to ask anybody else for advice. For in the end, it all boils down to you and your decision yet again which might end up either saving you and putting you in even deeper trouble. Why can't love be simple? Well, nothing is simple in this life. Ever since we have become adults, our lives have become completely complicated. I guess I am just sick and tired right now. The correct term for it is fed up. I cannot fathom as to why a person that you love would keep on doing things that he/she knows would hurt you. Most of all, I cannot understand as to why he/she would always say sorry but do it again after some time which only makes you feel like he/she doesn't really mean it. What is the purpose of saying sorry when you are not sincere about it? A lousy apology is not something anybody is looking forward to. 

They say that all people are capable of loving others however at some point, all people are capable of hating others as well. So if you love someone, make sure that the feeling is greater or if not mutual because people change and when they do sometimes there is a chance that the other person in the relationship might end up rejecting that change which will only result in heartache. I believe that people who love deeply are those the easiest to become hurt or scorned which is why in the end, they just become fed up of the whole relationship and decide to call it off. Nobody can guide us perfectly or tell us exactly what we should do with our lives or better yet our relationships. It is up to us to go to the right paths ahead of us. In loving someone, there is always a high probability of one getting hurt but there is always a high chance that you will end up having the greatest love story of all time. My journey has just begun in this roller coaster ride and I do not know yet about all the twists and turns that lie ahead of me. All I know is that I am bracing myself for this ride and making sure that for every twist and turn that I get myself into, I would be able to become enlightened and hopefully be able to learn from my mistakes. 

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Who Is The Biggest Fool?

Why is it that even if you have already put yourself on the line for some people, they still are foolish enough to continue making a fool out of themselves? I do not understand as to why it is so difficult to understand why some things should change and that sometimes these things need to be done by you alone even if you had the help of others in guiding you to the right path. I have a friend who I recently found out has a girlfriend who has apparently been cheating on him for another guy online. I came about this secret without any of the parties involved knowing it. It was an honest mistake which I now believe should never have happened to me in the first place. I accidentally saw the wall posts that this alleged other guy left on her facebook wall. As a concerned friend, at first I did not want to meddle but eventually, I had to do something. When I found out that she had been spending way too much time with this mystery man online through facebook and through yahoo messenger, I decided to do something about it. When I saw the evidence right in front of me, I didn't waste the chance to screen capture it and save everything I could find through my USB flash drive. After reviewing the evidence, I realized it was all true. She was cheating on him for another guy that she had met online. Does that sound fair to you? Of course not.

As the days passed, I had the evidence on hand but didn't really what to do with them. Sure, I intend to show them to my friend so that he would know of what had been going on with his girlfriend but apparently, it was easier said than done. I didn't know how to break the news to him but somehow I was determined to reveal the truth as he deserved to know. He had every right as my friend and as her boyfriend to know what is going on. The only difference is the truth won't be coming out of her mouth directly but rather from mine. At first, I did hold back on the thought of meddling in their lives and even wanted to do it anonymously by simply sending him the files but I wasn't a coward and I wasn't backing out now. In the end, I said it. I confronted him and talked to him about it. I showed him the evidence as he calmly saw everything. He found out the truth but was not angry at me for sharing what I had to share. I couldn't lie to him. I told him I did some snooping around. He asked if my evidence was reliable. I told him yes. He simply thanked me for telling him the truth and promised me that she would confront her girlfriend about it. He also promised not to bring up the source of the information which was me. I felt the weight on my shoulders lifted somehow. I felt better that I was able to help him in the way I thought I could. I didn't know what to expect at that point. All I knew was that something was coming up between. I just never bothered to ask.

A week passed since the incident and as I remembered what had happened, I decided to ask what had happened between their meeting. I asked in a casual tone as any friend would do. He said he had confronted her about her but she did not deny it. She did meet someone new but he wasn't worth anything to her. He was nothing more than a mere friend. I wanted to shake his core and look at him in the eye to ask him if he was blind. Clearly, he was seeing straight or perhaps he is being blinded by what he feels inside. I was shocked to find out that after all the evidence I collected and presented to him, complete with timestamps and date logs, he still believes her. He still believes that she loves him so much that he would never do such a thing. I wanted to hit my head on the wall for ever believing that he wasn't foolish enough to fall to her wiles but unfortunately, he had. I was helpless. I didn't know how to help him get away from such a terrible situation. Then, I realized, why should I care? I didn't want to be a cold hearted person but sometimes I guess I just need to be. Especially when it comes to dealing with people who might not see past anything even if it actually hit them in the face. I stayed away from both of them since then. I never wanted to be a part of the tolerating process. I didn't want to become a fool myself. I didn't want to be called the bigger fool for tolerating his girlfriend for cheating and him turning a blind eye and a deaf ear through it all.

After all has been said and done, I found out that his girlfriend has a record of breaking men's hearts. Cheating on them as they turn their backs on her while she does her best to hide every single bit of information possible so that she would not be caught. Too bad I caught her. The only problem was her boyfriend was dumb enough to just push everything aside. Yes, love is blind and probably deaf as well in his case. This is not my life. That is what I keep on telling myself and I walk away from saving my friend, I realized that there is no point in saving someone who does not want to be saved. He was like that. Little did I know that he already knew about his girlfriend's past and he knows everything about her, yet, he still sticks with her with high hopes that she would change someday. What if she doesn't? I applaud the man for his blind fate but sometimes doing things with your eyes shut or your ears covered can't do anything good. But alas, he has brought this upon himself. So in the end, who is the biggest fool? Was it me that exposed the truth to him? Was it his girlfriend who pretended to be victim and decided to act all innocent to save her ass in the end? or was it him for putting faith in someone that might never even change and might break his heart into a million pieces when she leaves him? I guess I will just let you choose. 
 Am I the biggest fool for caring and telling him the truth?
 Is he the biggest fool for trusting her again?
Or is she the biggest fool for thinking that all men can ever fall for her whims and can be manipulated by her?

Is It Really All About The Money These Days?

I heard this song called Price Tag by Jessie J today. I have heard it multiple times before but today I realized it had more meaning to me than it used to. I didn't want to admit it at first but now I guess I can say that it is all about the money. Most people think that money makes the world go round and without it, you have nothing. The concept only made me think if money was the only thing that mattered in this world. In my opinion, money does matter but it is not the only thing that matters. There are other things that deserve consideration as well. We all strive to work hard and earn more because we believe that by doing so, we will be able to achieve our dreams more. With money comes power and having money to spend makes people happy. They are all stated facts but how much money matters to all of us makes a difference.

A poor family who cannot afford to feed themselves three times a day deserves to at all have enough money to be able to provide for their needs however a rich family who has always had more than enough money to spend on many things, does not need anymore than what they already have. I believe that the love of money is the root of all evil. Because man is born insatiable. We can never have enough. That's where greed comes in. We sin without even knowing it. Hogging money all to ourselves and using them for our selfish gains without thinking that there are others far more deserving to what we may already have. To some people, money is the only thing that is important in this world. I pity these people as they cannot see past something that will eventually ruin them. It is said that people who love money too much often die a horrible death. I do not know if this is for sure but at least, I am wise enough not to become one and to take chances.

Then I realized that there are other people who have a different perspective about money. There are other people who do not work hard to earn more money but would rather just do nothing and expect money to be handed out to them. Does that seem fair to you? I guess not. I don't think it is either. I have always been a firm believer of being able to get something out of my hard work and effort so seeing people who do not know the meaning of these things, pain me and at the same time disgust me. Do not get me wrong. I do not mind giving to those who need it the most however there are limitations to my giving nature. When I know a person deserves it or is willing to do anything to pay me back for it then why not? But if that person always asks for money without even thanking me afterwards or repaying me afterwards or better yet if that person just keeps on asking and asking for more then that's where the problem starts. 

Sometimes when I encounter these kinds of people, I feel like I just want to put some sense into their heads to make them see that there are others around them who aren't supposed to be more capable than them to earn their own money and yet they do. It is such a shame that these panhandlers waste their lives, their time and their efforts on merely becoming good extortionists. Somehow this is one of the reasons why life is unfair. Imagine a world with merely people who want to beg on it. Wouldn't we all be miserable? As much as I want to pity them, there is a bigger part in me that is fed up and annoyed by their ways. Asking money from others all the time and then using that money on unimportant things is just a big slap on the person's face. For that person did his best to earn that money. He, unlike you, worked hard for it. Why is it so hard to ingrain something like that in people's heads? 

Another part I hate about people dependent on others for money is the common scenario of them being rejected by those that they asked money from. I have seen and been in this scenario way too many times to not know this first hand. Here's how it usually happens. A person comes up to you to ask for money and this has been the nth time that this has happened and most of the time, this person does not even have the decency to at least say thank you or even pay the money that was borrowed back. You, on the other hand, have mixed feelings about this person due to the past encounters you have had of him. You are wary of him and wish that he would stop doing what he did so you refuse him. You gave him reasons like I do not have any money here or that I am not earning much lately or that I have to pay so many bills at the moment. Then, this person right there and then throws a tantrum. Telling you, he doesn't need your help and that he can do it on his own or he gets angry at your rejection and tells you how much of an ingrate you are because he helped you when you needed it most. What would you do when such things happen to you?

I honestly don't know. Even if I have been stuck in multiple situations like that before, I still don't know what to say or what to do. Awkward situations like these needs clean getaways and sometimes it is hard to get some especially when the person doing this to you is someone that you are close to or better yet related to. It is so difficult to say no to them and it is so difficult to reject them. But what can you do when you know that if this goes on forever, they would just continue being dependent on you? I do not want to be involved in something that I might not be able to keep up with in the end. I do not want to be responsible for anything that I shouldn't be worrying about. The money that I own is budgeted and should not be used for things that have no worth whatsoever. I want to try to help them but how can I when all that ever matters to them is money? We live in a crazy world and we all have to do what we must to survive. All I ask is for some people to at least lift their weight unto this world to somehow become useful in the eyes of society. Maybe after making themselves useful, they would realize that money isn't everything and that every single penny spent is worth a minute or perhaps a second of a working person's time. Money is not easy to make but it is easy to lose. I hope that some people would finally learn the value of money in time.
 Sometimes you have to learn to say NO. Giving them will only encourage them to ask for more.
 I am not your ATM machine or a charity. I do not run a pension or allowance system for people like you.
 I work hard to try and earn a living. I do so because I want to have enough money to provide food on the table and pay for my bills. Shouldn't you be doing the same instead of just asking money from people like me all the time?
The love of money turns mortals into greedy creatures. The more we want to get our hands on money, the more we make ourselves dirty. It shouldn't have to be this way. If only people knew the value of money and what it should mean to everybody. Yes, I agree that money is essential but our world does not have to revolve around it. 

Friday, August 19, 2011

With Friends Like Them, Who Needs Enemies?

"FRENEMY" - The word might seem unnatural to you but believe it or not, such a word has been used many times by many people. If some people can have a love and hate relationship with someone then they can be friends and enemies with someone too. Yes, well, I told you relationships were messy and I didn't mean just the romantic ones but also the regular ones. Have I encountered some frenemies in my past you say? Hmm...Let me think that one through. Well, in all honesty, I can say I have encountered such people in so many different places. It is difficult to say that having one is a blessing for I consider it a ticking bomb just waiting to explode on your face. Fortunately, some frenemies do come and go which is why I can breathe a sigh of relief. Although the meaning of the term can different for some, here's what I think about it. Frenemies are your friends and enemies at the same time. Whether they are your true friends or not, that still leaves to be decided by you.

I remember having this gut feeling about a certain person even before I got to know him. I hated him. I did't know if he felt the same for me. As time passed by, I began to know him better but I still didn't want to ditch this gut feeling I have for him. Perhaps it was my instinct telling me that he is bad news. Eventually, we came into a truce. We somehow came an understanding of things and became friends (if that's how you want to call it). But the bickering, the teasing, the sarcasm and everything bad did not end there. We still bantered and argued on many things however at the end of the day, there would always be a silent peace treaty going on in our heads. Oh, believe me, it was like reliving a battle over and over again. Every day was the same and it was draining the life out of me. Good thing, I was able to stay away and so did he.

That wasn't the only time I encountered a frenemy. I guess I have met so many in my growing years. They may smile in front of you but behind you, it's like they are actually stabbing you with anything sharp that they can get their hands to. They may compliment you on the clothes you wear or the things that you do but when your back is turned and you are completely off guard, they start spreading rumors about you and even want to wage war against you. Why? I don't really know. Sometimes I begin to question myself if I am a likeable person or not. Many people have said I am but there is always this lingering doubt that grips me. I understand that I can be intimidating at times because of my snob self but I am not always like this. In fact, I consider myself a person who can adapt to other people if given the right amount of time. 

Just recently, I was surprised by the turn of events that happened near me. Someone I knew hated her old friend because she said that her friend left her hanging in one of the most important stages of her life. She clearly needed her and she knew she had been a good friend as she had always been with this friend of hers through thick and thin. She bore a grudge and along with that grudge came all the bitterness, the sarcasm, the backfighting, rumor mongering and so on. I felt like a therapist or a psychiatrist talking to a patient. It was horrifying. After all the gruelling days and weeks of listening to her rant about this certain friend of hers suddenly I grew fed up and locked myself away. I didn't want to her anymore of it. Sure, she hated her but she could at least last a day without saying anything bad about her. I mean come on.

A few months later, I was back to my cheery self and was able to function normally again. I spoke to her again after so long and this time to my surprise, she was talking to her so called friend that she used to hate. In the back of my head, I was thinking: What the heck happened while I was locked away from the world? I simply shrugged, shook my head and smiled. They have kissed and made up. After everything that had been said and done, they were friends again. I can't imagine how awkward it must have been. Yes, they are the perfect example of frenemies and I can never deny the fact that they looked ridiculous during their moments of hating each other. I am just relieved that they are back together again. Is having frenemies healthy? Perhaps so but I think I only need a little dose of frenemies every now and then as I do not think I can handle way too much frenemies at one time. 

Did I learn from my experiences and the experiences of other people regarding frenemies? Perhaps yes however, not all frenemies are the same and not all situations as to why they became your frenemies are similar either. So, I guess it is a learning process. I can't say I love having them but I can't say I don't want to have. Like what I said, it is a love - hate relationship. What more can anyone ask for? Whether they are your friends, your enemies or your frenemies, be grateful that you have them for not all people have people who care for them so cherish them while you still have them for you will never know when you are going to lose them. Our lives are short in this world so we should make the most out of it. We may not know when the clock will stop ticking but at least, we had the time of our lives. Friends, Enemies or Frenemies, I say bring it on!
 Call them whatever you want to call them. Define them however you wish to do so but you have to understand that FRENEMIES are everywhere no matter how hard you deny it.
 FRENEMIES come in all shapes and sizes. It can be your friend, your best friend, your co-worker, your cousin. Point is, it can be anybody.
 Be wary! FRENEMIES know your weaknesses and might even expose them in the end. They can either destroy you or not. That choice is not up to you but rather up to them.
Well there are so many examples of FRENEMIES in Hollywood. Let's just say it is a lot common out there than in the real world. Which is why I sure don't want to be in their shoes.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Don't Waste Your Blessings

Let's face it. Not everybody can be as blessed as you. You have a nice house, a nice car, a great family and a wonderful set of friends yet you throw it all away just because you are either too lazy to have a job or you just have way too many alibis. Would that be fair to everyone else? Honestly if you ask me, I think it is unfair. I see a lot of old, young, sick, disabled or uneducated people who all want an equal opportunity to have their own way of living and yet they cannot be given the chance because they are not as blessed as you. Yet even if you know this fact and preach it well, you still never stop to think about it for a while that you better practice what you preach. I know several people in both sides of the coin. I pity the latter since I know how desperately they want the things that they cannot have. I do not feel remorse for people who waste their blessings for their own petty and selfish reasons. I do not envy them as well. In fact, I loathe them. Why? Because God gave us blessings to use them and never to waste them. 

If you had legs and hands that work fine and that you are healthy, wouldn't it be fair that you use them to make yourself worthy? If you brag about having a good personality, a good mind or perhaps some good looks then why not use them to make a name for yourself? If you have fame, fortune and power within your grasp then why not use it for the greater good instead of the greater evil? You see not all of us have equal blessings. Some are blessed with people that love, care and understand them while others are blessed with other things. All I am saying is that I do not understand why some people would just throw everything away and think only about themselves. Life is unfair, I know that but it only becomes unfair when people become selfish and only think about themselves. We as human beings are not supposed to be this way however we succumb to something this low which only degrades us to lower forms of species in the animal kingdom. 

If there is another thing that I hate it is the fact that some are not even thankful of the blessings that have been given to them. Some are even greedy enough to want more, like biting off more than they can chew when in fact, they already have so much in their plates already. Blessings are given to us because God knows how much we need them and how much we want them but if we aren't going to be thankful to him for giving them to us or if we are just going to waste it all away without hesitation or appreciation then one day, we will regret what we have lost. It is always better to see the bigger picture in life and that we should learn to be more contented with what we already have. Being greedy is a sin and to long for more when you know you already have enough is just bad. Learn to share and learn to give. The world is not all about you but all about others too.

Do I use all the blessings that God has given to me? Yes. I try. I try to use them all to the fullest even if sometimes I feel like neglecting the other as I only have so little time. Am I thankful that God gave them all to me? Of course, I am. I thank him every single day. The thought of being without these blessings makes me sad. I sincerely think that if some people would not appreciate their blessings more then it would be better to strip them away of these blessings and instead give them to others who are more worthy of them. Fortunately for those people, I am not God. All I am hoping for is that people would learn to be more appreciative and would learn to use their God given blessings to the fullest. That way when our journey ends in the land of the living, we can bid farewell a life that has been filled with meaning instead of a life that was filled with emptiness and without purpose. If only...

We always complain when we should be thankful. We always think about non-essential things when there are other more important things that need our attention. We dwell on the negative rather than the positive. We are insatiable, we never want to stop even when we know we are already being selfish and greedy. We waste our life because of many reasons. I only wish we didn't. I only wish we can more appreciative and make use of what we have to make ourselves useful and be all that we can be. So that one day when our life ends from this world, we can proudly say to our maker "Thank You for giving me this life and these blessings for without them, I never would have had the life that I had when I was still living." Hopefully, more people will realize this truth and will not turn a blind eye, a deaf ear and a closed heart to it.