Thursday, June 30, 2011

Somebody For Someone

"No matter how far you may be, I will be there for you. I will find you and we will be together forever..."

Such promises may only exist in romance novels and in cheesy romantic movies now but that doesn't mean that such promises aren't real and that they cannot be made in this modern day and age. I remember of my hubby (then boyfriend) telling me about something called "The Red String or Thread Of Fate or Destiny". In Asia, most people believe that there is such a thing. What is is anyway? According to a myth, the gods tie an invisible red string around the ankles of men and women who are destined to be soul mates and will one day marry each other. Often, in Japanese culture, it is thought to be tied around the little finger. Nobody knows if this is for real or not but still people believe in them. In western cultures, we can compare this with the concet of soulmates or twin flames.

How will we know if he/she is the one? That's one of the toughest questions out there. Honestly, nobody knows if he/she is the one. It all depends on you and your choice I guess. Nobody can dictate what path you should choose and which person should you choose to take it with. Some people call it fate or destiny when in reality, we all make decisions based on facts, our instinct, the situation and everything else that we have to consider to come to a conclusion. I can't say I do not believe in fate or destiny though. All I know is that it is changeable and with that being said, it only means that nothing is cast in stone. 

Is there really someone out there for everyone? I may be a realist but I am a dreamer and a hopeless romantic too. Sure, I may be contradicting myself right now but I can always believe that there is someone for everyone. It sounds like a far fetched idea but I still want to hang on to it. Nobody knows about what lies ahead for every one of us and who we might even end up with. If the gods are truly controlling who we will be together then so be it. We can pretend to be naive of that fact and then just let the magic happen. I believe in happy endings. I do not know if I ended up with one but I am hopeful that I did. 

All I know is that falling in love is an art in itself. It cannot be rushed or be contrived. It has to come naturally and sometimes some people have to wait for it and never lose hope. Otherwise if we make it all happen so soon, we might regret it in the end. We must never find love, they say. We must let it find us. I may not know if my husband and I were brought on together by this so called red string of fate or if we were in fact soulmates but I do know one thing that we are in love and we ended up being together through it all. Our love story wasn't exactly an ideal fairy tale but for me it would have to do. 

If you love someone and you believe he/she is the one, no red string of fate or soulmate belief can make you forget all that. If you know and feel like he/she is the one then all you need to have is a leap of faith. Believing in something gives it power and if you truly believe that it's meant to be then it shall happen. You just have to wait and see. I may not believe in the red string of fate myth but I do believe what it stands for and I like the fact that it will stretch and it will tangle but it will never break no matter what. That's what real relationships are like and that's the epitome of real love right there.
 True or not, I believe in what it stands for. I wish my relationship with my other half will continue being strong just like the red string of fate.
 Nobody knows. Only you can determine the future that you want to be in and who you want to be with.

Soulmates or not, I will never forget how many times I met my hubby before we ever became friends and co-workers then lovers. Some people call it destiny or fate but to me, it's all part of God's master plan maybe it was really meant to be. Perhaps love truly moves in mysterious ways.

Beware! Insecurity Kills...

It is said that nobody can understand something that they have never felt before. Insecurity is a crime that everybody commits. Whether we are the one who feels it or the one responsible for making others feel that way. Insecurities have been a part of my life eversince I can remember. I've grown up with them and somehow they have dampened my confidence and have also changed the way I look at things. In short, I have been eaten alive by them with the thought that I can't fight them. Why is it so hard to just stay positive and just be self confident at all times? 

Even up to this day, I am still filled with them. No, I don't get to remember them all 24/7 but still they haunt me. As a woman, I believe I am prone to more insecurities. We, women, are all vessels of insecurity although some of us do not show it. My insecurities grew as a teen after being bullied and being thought of as different. I never really felt the need to be insecure before that but after ever that changed, I started becoming more self-conscious. That is one of the incidences that I wish to blame for this suddent change in me. 

As I grew to be me, I ended up becoming paranoid and becoming too concerned about trivial things. Like any other woman, I looked in front of the mirror and most of the time, I do not like what I see. I'm not happy with my weight or with how my hair looks. I'm not happy that I have bad teeth or that I can't be better than what I already am. Overall, I hated myself. These days, I rarely look at myself in the mirror anymore and when I do, I do not judge what I see for I know that it is superficial. If I can't be better or best in things that people notice then I guess I must strive to be better in something else to compensate for it. That's how I see it.

Comparison is one of the crushing reasons as to why people start becoming insecure. We question ourselves if we are good enough and we often think that there is someone or something better out there. Sure, we live in a competitive world but that doesn't mean that we should be pressured to comply with the norms as well. Sure, I have compared myself many times to other people before but I am doing my best to avoid it now. Unfortunately, even if we try to avoid it, there will always be other people who do their best to do just that. I hate it when people compare me with others. It crushes me to the core. In the end, I feel like I'm not worthy of anything and that I should have done better.

We all have problems and insecurities and sometimes we forget the fact that it can ruin not only relationships and friendships but it can also ruin ourselves. I can't keep on living every day with the thought that my insecurities will continue to haunt me. Sometimes I have to forget about them and let them go. I know that only then will I be able to live a healthier life. Not a life filled with anxiety, guilt and hate. I don't want to be a negative person but sometimes some people just bring out the worse in me. I am still an insecure mess up to this day but I am not denying it so here I am writing all about it. I only wish that one day I'll be free of all of them. 

We can't all be perfect. We all have flaws and sometimes we have to understand that these flaws make us who we are and what makes us handsome or beautiful. Life isn't perfect as well so why strive for something so difficult to get when we can just be content with what we already have? I hope that we can all be better people who will no longer worry about things that really shouldn't matter when what really matters is that we be happy and satisfied with what life has to offer to us. I wish everyone would agree with me when I say this and I hope that everybody will learn something from what I wrote today. May we all live a life free with insecurities, guilt, anxieties and everything else negative out there. I no longer want to be bounded by something so invisible and yet so powerful. Now I believe that something not tangible can have a strong hold on people when we belive in them.
According to research, more women are insecure and not only because they felt it themselves but also because of the fact that the people around them make them feel insecure and the media itself is to blame for it.

We all have different insecurities. I know mine. Do you know yours?

 FACT: Most women who look at themselves in the mirror do not see the actual beauty that lies in front of them but rather see someone hideous in front of them. Thus, insecurity arises.

It's eye-opening when most women these days resort to social networking sites and blog sites to express their insecurities and how they really feel about themselves and their lives. I just wish people wouldn't be mean and become more understanding to the insecurities and feelings of others.

Modern women think this way. Perhaps not all but to those who are insecure or have felt insecure, they have thought of everything in this made up magazine cover. I just wish we'd concentrate our time of being insecure towards something else more productive.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Secrets Here, There And Everywhere


We often hear that when somebody wants us to keep quiet about something or because we are disturbing others but to me a finger above the lip is already a proven gesture for a secret. I won't lie I have my share of secrets here and there. Some I have kept hidden, some I have shared. Why keep them you ask? I keep them because I'd rather not hurt anyone else with them because I know if they find out, they will feel bad about it. Second of all, it's in the past and I want it to be behind me. How can I keep on moving forward if the past keeps on blocking me? Lastly, some secrets I keep because I regret to have had them. Perhaps I have done some crazy things in my childhood or my younger years that embarass me now which is why I'd rather keep such things to myself. How will others feel that I am hiding something from them? Of course, they'd be crushed and they would feel betrayed but I would ask that person the same thing. Do you have secrets that you haven't told me yet? For sure, they would say yes too and no, they won't be telling me about all of them. Keeping secrets has become natural to most people I guess.

Secrets are bad. Why? Because the mere fact that you are hiding something to anyone you love is already considered cheating to most people. If others call it protecting their own privacy or perhaps protecting their loved ones then so be it but as we always say, we must learn that there is a limit for everything and secrets are things that you should limit from having. Imagine if your partner found out that you've been lying all this time just to protect them. Sure, your motives were clean but let's not forget the fact that you still lied to him or her to begin with. We all have reasons for keeping secrets but not all of us think the same. Being secretive and mysterious is fun for some people but let's face it, we'd all rather hear the truth. The truth hurts perhaps but I'd rather get hurt now with just one truth than be faced with a dozen of heart aches from a bunch of lies. What would you rather have?

Not all boxes filled with secrets are filled with good ones. Some are filled with bad ones as well so be careful in opening them. Shield your heart from the pain for you might need it. Just another word of caution to this tale...

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Why So Vengeful?

As they say Revenge is a dish best served cold but what do we really reap out of vengeance to begin with? I know that at some point in our lives, we have felt so tired and angry of everything that we just want to vent it on something or someone. I have been there and I have felt that way but now I question myself. What is the point of such pointless actions? Sure, taking revenge on something or someone can somehow make you feel sated for a while with the contentment that you finally got even but in the long run I don't think it ever means anything. To be honest, I do not know how to feel about these words. Whether it is VENGEANCE, REVENGE OR AVENGE -- they all are the same. We just use them different but at the end of the day, they are all the same to me. 

Many things have happened in my past that have lead me to believe that I should hate but as time passes and as I grow old, I learn that holding on to anger can only bring a person to self ruin and yes; even be the cause of a person's demise. I do not want to die a lonely person filled with anger and hate. I want to die happy and successful. If there is one thing I am good at it's trying to turn negativity to positivity. No, I am not a skeptic. God has a role to play here too. For only when he purifies what's in our hearts, only then will we able to let go. I am a mere human who has felt these things eat at me alive and yet I am still here. All because I have learned not to succumb to such temptations and of course because I was saved.

But the sad truth is that we humans are savages...Our true nature is filled with hate despite the fact that we are all created good. We just turn evil due to many reasons and wishing for vengeance is just one good example of them. If only other people will know that there are other better ways to get vengeance, more positive ways to be exact. There is always SUCCESS or LIVING A BETTER LIFE. SMILING can be a good solution too. While others simply just let it all fade away. FORGIVE AND FORGET as they always say. I do not want to be partial in saying which side I am taking in this endless battle between good and evil inside ourselves. I also do not want to be biased or to be called a hypocrite. I have said what I have to and will go on believing as how it should be. Life goes on with or without vengeance. Who knows maybe if you didn't have it in your system, you might a better life but I shall let you be the judge of that.
I believe this was an ancient Klingon saying...(For those who do not know, Klingon is a race only found in the TV series called Star Trek. You will remember or recognize them by their huge spiky foreheads.)
 Poor Ken! Just when he thought hurting innocent Barbie was a good since she knew she was innocent and harmless so look who is smiling now.
 Some people just put their best poker face on. No, I am not talking about Lady Gaga here but rather the apathetic faces that people put on as their masks sometimes in order to get even with people they despise. 
 I do this sometimes since when I am angry, I try to calm myself down by merely thinking of inner peace and happy thoughts so I just smile, smile and smile even if I actually hate the person or the situation in front of me. The smile doesn't look natural though but still at least I am trying not to look grumpy or annoyed. 
 Success is one of the best solutions in this kind of warfare. If you have been hurt then prove to them that they do not deserve to do such a thing to you. How? By becoming better than them and learning to love yourself which will then lead you to a happier and more well lived life. What's so bad about that?
 Forgiving and forgetting has been an age old technique for many centuries now. Too bad that it is more popular to be heard of than to be applied.
And finally, the best advice I can give to everyone out there. Enjoy your life! Do not let petty grievances take your time away. If karma truly is something to be scared of  and God's wrath too then the truth shall prevail itself soon and with that I can assure you that by just letting things unfold naturally, it shall already be the greatest vengeance of all...

Thursday, June 2, 2011

In Memory Of Our Good Friend, Shiro

It is said that death is a normal part of our daily lives and that in order to keep a balance in this great circle of life, sacrifices must be made. Most of us fear death, some might admit it and some may not. Others welcome death as they know it is essential. I do not laugh at death in it's face. I am more of a person who has mixed emotions over it. What I do know is that we may never know when our day may be our last so why waste your time on petty things?

I met a person a year or so ago. She was a friend of my college friend. I didn't know her well and we were not very close but she was a kind hearted person who smiled through it all. I met her because we were planning on cosplaying together. At that time, we went to the tailoring shop to get our outfits. We had fun. It was my first and last encounter of her. The group cosplay never really happened but we still had out outfits to this very day. I haven't seen her in a while but sometimes I chat with her. She was an over all nice girl who had many friends who loved her.

Today when I logged into my Facebook account, I saw my college friend post something n her status. There were three consecutive ones that were saying that her friend, Shiro, had died. I immediately sent her a message asking her who this person is and if she was the one I met not so very long ago. Then she confirmed it. It was indeed her. She died of aneurysm and she was only 30. It was a real shocker. Sure, we weren't the best of friends or even close enough for me to feel this way but I feel sad for her and for her family. She had been a good person and now, I wish I knew her better.

I value my friends and my family more than anybody else in this world and it's this kind of news that can make a person even more paranoid with life. I may be breathing, sleeping and eating now but what happens tomorrow when all that I thought I had lived for is gone? I can be gone tomorrow, so are my friends and family. Now, it makes me think about what I have done in this world while I am still alive. I know I haven't been exactly perfect but somehow I feel that what I have done up to this point is still not enough.

You know what they say about people saying good stuff about you when you are gone? It does happen but when I do hear them saying such things all that comes in mind is this: Why now? Why not earlier when he/she was still alive? I guess nobody can tell. This incident has become an eye-opener for me. I don't know how my life will end up but I feel like I should try harder to have a better life so that when one day, God takes me, I would be ready and would have no regrets whatsoever about everything in my life. So, cheers to you, Shiro, wherever you may be. I hope that you are in a peaceful place right now and may your soul rest in peace.

A photo of Shiro cosplaying. Those were happy times.
Before I bid you farewell, all I can say is that death is not the end but merely the beginning. We might have lost you too soon but we know in our hearts you will stay. For you were a great person and that even if I know that there are other people who are bad enough and who deserve to have died instead of you, we know that everything happens for a reason. So, my friend, we will miss you and thank you so much for everything.