Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Christmas: To Love And To Loathe

Ah, the holiday season! To most people, it is a good time to reunite with their family, friends, colleagues and acquaintances however, to some it isn't. The holiday season is a time to be merry, to eat delicious food, to exchange gifts and to drink a lot of booze but it is also a time to remember what Christmas truly is about. These days, Christmas is too commercialized to everyone. Whenever you ask someone about what matters to them every Christmas or what do they remember about Christmas, they say gifts, decorations, reunions, parties and food. Many people who should believe in Christ no longer celebrate this day as a celebration of the day of his birth but rather just a time to be with their loved ones. In fact, more people nowadays believe in Santa Claus on Christmas Day. It is a sad reality that we all must realize sooner or later.

There are many things which I both like and dislike about the holiday season. Sure, I enjoy seeing my relatives whom I have not seen in a long time or even my friends or people I used to be associated with however, I am not so keen on being with them for so long as that is when things start to go ugly. I remember the different phases of questions I had to endure answering and reacting to in various holiday seasons. When I was in high school, I used to get asked when I would get a boyfriend. It was easy to avoid those questions then as I would simply blush and I said that the thought has not crossed my mind yet. Meanwhile, when I finally had a steady boyfriend and we have been together for so long, we would often get asked when will the wedding be. It was awkward as we were not thinking of getting married yet during those years and when we finally wanted to get married, we did not wait for Christmas last 2010 to get it done. I thought we would not be asked any more questions any holiday season soon. Unfortunately, I was dead wrong as the next year, we kept on hearing the question when will be having children. Honestly, it was frustrating. So when we finally had the chance to have a child, we were ecstatic. Everybody were. But then God gave her wings only after a week of being born last February 2013 and we were back to being just the two of us. 2013 was a painful year without her and being asked how she died was not exactly our favorite question to answer but we got to the acceptance stage eventually. Which now brings us to Christmas 2014. After almost two years of our sweet Lilly's passing, we are now feeling the pressure once more as we again hear questions about when we will be bearing another child in this world. Seeing so many of our relatives pregnant and having little ones does not ease that pressure, it only builds it even more. How I wish it would be easier next year. It is hard to be caught on the spot, in the hot seat especially when all our answers do not seem valid to most people. If only bearing a child was that easy...If only they would understand...

I love eating good food during holidays. Although I know it is a pain to plan the menu, to shop for ingredients and most of all, to cook them all, at least, I can smile at the end of the day knowing that I have done all of them with love. I am not fond of the cleaning but it comes with the cooking so thus, inevitable. I am not anti-social. I just don't like to socialize too much. I guess I have a limit for these things which is why sometimes I tend to disappear in a room full of people. I always find a place to hide in case I feel the need to be absent and just be with me, myself and I. I love gift giving but I am not fond of shopping for gifts. I do enjoy wrapping gifts. I am just not fond of the trash the wrappers create. I don't like drama on holidays and most of the time, drama comes in many different shapes and forms. Mostly, they come from our loved ones who even if we know have dramatic lives and are somehow annoyed by their stories, we still end up listening, sympathizing, helping or even giving sound advice. So you see, these are the reasons why I both love and hate the holidays. Traffic is already a given so I did not add that here but maybe I am not the only one who thinks this way. Maybe there are also other people like me out there. So, while I wait for the clock to strike midnight, here I am writing all these to you and hoping that your Christmas Day will still be a good one regardless of all the things that you love and hate on Christmas Day. 

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