Friday, January 14, 2011

Are you the bully or the victim?

While watching a re-run episode of America's Next Top Model (I didn't even know what cycle it was), I saw several of the contestants ganging up on one of who the contestants who they perceived as "weak" when in fact, in reality, she's actually one of the strongest ones in the competition so far. This just proves that bullying can be done anywhere by anyone, regardless of it being shown in public or not. I want to acknowledge the presence of bullying in everybody's life merely because once upon a time, I was an ugly duckling too and I was bullied for being so. It all started when I moved into a new school and a new country when I was about 10 or 11 years old. I left everything behind in the Philippines, thinking that my life will be a lot better when I get to where I was supposed to go. I was on the verge of becoming a teenager and for every young person, friends were like treasures. I value my friends a lot and I craved to have more good friends when I went to my new school. Sadly, I wasn't able to do so. I think it's not just in the movies where you can see a group of mean girls or a mean boys. They are not merely fictional characters that writers create out of their imaginations. They are real and I've dealt with some of them. For someone as young as me at that time, I felt the need to be with the "IN" crowd. I belonged to one when I was in my former school which only made me think that fitting in would be easy for me later on wherever I may be but I was dead wrong. I found out that no matter how hard I try; I'll never be a part of the more popular clique. It was then when I resorted to doing favors for them, even doing errands for them and for what? Merely because I wanted to be a part of their group. I remember that for every single thing I did to them, they made me hang out with them but that did not spare me from the pain that I felt whenever they would say bad things about me. I was foolish to still want their friendship afterwards. I remember the times when I would go home and cry to myself because of all the humiliation that I felt. I even thought of telling my parents about everything at that time but I tried to be strong and I knew that if I'd get through a year of ordeal that things will get better for me. Sadly after all my attempts of being a part of their group, I ended up fruitless. It was then that I realized that real friends can't be bought and that sometimes you don't actually need to earn friends. It's magic. It just happens sometimes. I felt used. My point is young people don't really know the meaning of friendship until they get older and that bullying is a mere fact. You can either be the bully or be the victim. In my case, I was a willing victim to all the bullying that happened to me. I don't blame them for doing it to me. I could have prevented it otherwise. I would have if only I knew that what I was doing was bad for me. I just wish that other people wouldn't go through the same thing that happened to me back then. I've gotten over everything now for I always say that what won't kill me will make me stronger. There are many ways to help others who are being bullied and there are also plenty of ways to stop people from being bullies. As for victims, it's always better to have a support group. Your parents, your relatives, your other friends and your teachers are actually good people to talk to regarding incidents of bullying in your school. I was lucky to have lived through my teenage life without feeling the trauma that bullying should have given me. I was a lot stronger than I thought but I know not everybody is. So, seek help if you're a victim of bullying. You don't have to pretend that you're strong enough to deal with it. If you can't bear it any longer, talk to someone and let it all out. As for all the bullies out there, someday you'll realize that what you did to others did not just almost ruin their lives but also helped traumatize them for the rest of their existence. That you have been the reason why some kids never reached 18 or never got to date the person that they had a crush on. Someday you'll know that you were hated and someday you'll see what you brought on to yourself. You'll hope and pray that karma never gets back at you for all your wrongdoings and you'll feel guilty and pretend that one day those you've wronged will forgive you. If there is one thing I know it's that bullies rarely remember the people that they actually bullied in their growing years and that if ever they do remember the people that they bullied, they either try to make amends for it or pretend that nothing ever happened between them. I am already turning 26 this year and I am way pass that part of my life but even if I was able to get through with it, I still believe that because of that experience I am a whole different person now. Let's just say that it was a learning experience and therefore, I have learned a lot from it and that even if I had a time machine with me right now, I would never go back and change the past. What happened, happened for a reason and perhaps it happened because it had to happen to me. There is always a reason for everything and I always believe that God only gives struggles to those he believe are capable enough to get through them somehow. I was there once but I lived through it. Hopefully, others will be able to survive as well. My parting note for everyone is that you don't have to be a bully to become a winner. Even when you are a victim, you can become a winner too. It doesn't matter if you belong to the "IN" crowd or not. What matters most is what you try to do with yourself when the bullying actually happens and learn to rise from it. Some them what you've got and through that you can have your sweet revenge. It may sound too peace loving really however, it's the best way to both feel good about yourself and getting even with those who have made your life a living hell. Trust me, your life doesn't end here. Stand up and make yourself proud. Always believe that you are what you are and not what others say you are...
My Kindergarten Class Photo. I was always used to being one of the most popular girls in school but I guess some good things never last.

My Kindergarten Graduation Photo

During my elementary years - The time when I was bullied. I was truly an ugly duckling back then.
My High School Graduation Photo - Finally, the ugly duckling is slowly becoming a swan


  1. Well, I was a victim too. That's why until now I hate going home. I hate it when I see them. I even hate it when they add me up from social networking sites.

  2. We can't all be bullies, girl. I guess we only got the lonely part to play since became victims but I guess the moral to my story would be, no matter how hard things get, we should always remember that we should never give up. We should always be positive. We should get up and prove that we can't be stepped on forever. It's a tough job but somebody has to do it. I do it everyday to prove that I am worthy of being who I am in this world. We should all do.

  3. Well! You've gone thru that stage and I believe that you succeeded and will reach your dream! I know you can do it!

    Am always here 4 you!

    Luv u darling!!!

  4. Thanks Mom! I love you too! Thanks for everything!