I just feel targeted. Somehow I feel
like this is an endless cycle that will never end. Although many
people believe I am lucky, they also don't know that there is an
unlucky side of me somewhere. It is like no matter how hard I try,
people will always try to bring me down. Am I destined to be bullied
forever? Did I bring this upon myself? Sadly, my experiences of being
bullied in the past always haunts me as I continue to experience bad
things at work.
I remember in the first online teaching
company that I worked for. I was picked on by one of the Korean
managers who kept on reporting that I wasn't doing my job when in
fact I was. I was merely making new materials to make the classes
livelier but to her it was as if I was only dilly dallying in paint.
She reported me to the higher Korean manager and was scolded because
of that. I cried as I know that I didn't do anything wrong.
Nobody complained about it. Well, at least, none of my students did.
It was just her who did it. I thought it would end there but too bad,
it only rested for a while.
In another company that I applied for,
I was expecting to be trained before going on board but
unfortunately, I wasn't. I had to have consecutive classes from
2-11pm. I had breathers but they weren't too much. Most classes were
only 10 minutes and they were all phone classes. After two days of
being there, I was called upon the manager's office and was booted
out because they said I didn't know what I
was doing and that I was a bad teacher.
I felt bad that time. I ended up leaving my favorite red jacket in
that office as I refuse to believe that
they would do that to me and that I was a bad teacher. I wasn't even
given time to adjust.
Now, here I am again. Prior to being
here, I was in another company which I thought would last. That
company left me here only because it was for the best. I never chose
to be in this company in the first place. I only did when I wasn't
given anymore chances left. I just stayed because I needed a job and
now, here I am facing this dilemma all over again. I need a stable
job with a steady income especially now that my baby will be born
next year. I want to survive till then but how can I if I will lose
this job now? Somehow I feel like I should have left sooner and just
worked somewhere else so that I would have stopped myself from being
in this predicament that I am currently under but what's the use
really?
I was already given a verbal warning
last time that I might be terminated. I took that seriously and cried
as I got home. I did better and now that I thought I was doing
better, a written memo arrives stating that if things won't change
then I will be forcibly removed here. On what grounds? Well, there is
poor attendance which I can justify only because I know that it
wasn't my fault. It wasn't like I wanted to be absent for two days
while that nameless habagat flooded many areas in Metro Manila. I
think my bosses expected me to swim in the flood just to get to work.
Sad but true. Another reason is unsatisfactory performance. That
reason was one reason that really made me angry.
How dare they say that? It was as if I
am not experienced in teaching at all. It was as if I was a newbie in
this industry and that I don't know anything at all. It hurts me that
they did that to me. So today, I asked if there were any complaints
from the students. I don't know if I will be given any but I want to
know if there were any students that did so. That way, they can prove
to me that it really was my fault. They said it was because I
couldn't maintain a certain number of students per month. What can I
do if the student has personal reasons for not studying? I can't
force that student to stay right? It is sad that I always have to be
the culprit. Are teachers to blame for such things? Perhaps partially
but not as a whole. Sadly, that is what is happening here.
I didn't see anybody else being handed
the memo. I feel like the whole "other people received that memo
too" was just a load of bull but what can I do? I am merely an
employee here. to me if this job really isn't for me and if they have
no plans of regularizing me then they should say it now so that I
might be able to resign and just look for other job opportunities out
there. I don't think companies would still hire me if I am already
far along with my pregnancy so I just hope that they can give me an
answer soon. I am anxious, tired of all the games that they play and
at the same time, fed up. I just want to move on and be happy
somehow. As if things aren't bad enough already...*SIGH*
1. It is best to resign than to be
terminated. That's a fact.
2. According to survey, most people in
higher positions often make their subordinates' lives a living hell
at work. Again, another fact. This is why workplace bullying is still
legal in many offices around the world.
3. Something to ponder on. I am not
certain which is which.
4. Anxiety eating up inside of me. What
if I never find it? I am sure I will regret it for the rest of my
life.
5. I wish it was that easy. If salary
and perks didn't matter then I would have just settled for careers
that
won't pay me much and won't give me so
much stress. Stress is after all, bad for my baby.
6. I wear a fake smile every day when I
go to work. I am okay with my job. I just don't feel comfortable with
my workplace sometimes...
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