Saturday, April 27, 2013

My Letters To Heaven For You, Lilly #2

Dear Lilly,

I don't want you to be remembered as nothing but a memory instead I want you to be here right now. I want to see you grow into a beautiful lady. I want to do so many things with you but I know I can't. Not anymore. Mommy is sad because of that. Because I know I can never touch you again. I want to hold you in my arms badly. I want to see your smile. I want to wipe away your tears. I want to make you happy. I want to feel proud that I made you each day. I want to feel complete every day. I want to feel like I did something right. I want you to be alive, healthy and well. But all the things that I want can never be. Not now that you are gone. I miss you so much again tonight. Mommy is feeling lost again. I don't know what to do. I have asked God so many times why he took you away from me but I never got an answer. Too bad I never will. Your Daddy and I prayed so hard to have you but now that you are gone, we are praying hard again to have another. Sometimes I feel guilty when I say that in my prayers because I feel like I am replacing you. Nothing can ever replace you my Lilly. You will forever be our daughter, our first born. Your siblings will know you. I promise to tell them about you. But how will I explain why you are gone? I don't know how to. Mommy is having another grief attack today. All because I miss you so much and I am dying slowly deep inside. Sorry if I am crying again. Mommy cannot help it. I envy everyone with babies. I envy them because we had you for a short while. I could have wished we had you longer. How will I cope? How will I deal? I hope you will continue to watch over us. Until we see each other again. I love you forever...


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