When I am lost, I wander in my thoughts...

I was browsing my old drafts when I ended up reading this one. It's an old thing that I wrote based on what I felt at that time. I wrote it last March 5, 2010...


Sometimes you feel nostalgic as if you feel that time has gone too fast and that you've been left out. It's as if you're lacking something and yet you don't know what. You've got so many things going on in your head that it stirs the very life in you. You wish to be free, you wish to do more but sometimes you just can't. Dreaming, longing, yearning, that's all you ever do. I guess sometimes you just have to accept that the impossible can never be achieved and instead of just staying in the clouds, you should do something. Confusion can sometimes lead to frustration. You want this, you want that, when in the end, you don't really know what you want. Being spontaneous can be a curse at times. Being stubborn can be for fools. Lost wandering into the depths of the unknown as if wandering aimlessly, never going anywhere, never achieving anything. What kind of a life is that? No goals, no motivation, nothing. You feel detached despite being in a room full of people, some you know, some you don't. You look blankly on your computer screen as if waiting for something. What is it? You don't even know what. Days pass by, weeks and months, yet you're still never coming around. Could it mean forever? Who knows? Only you know the answer to that. You want to function well but instead you try too hard. So hard, to the extent that you push yourself too hard and end up hurting yourself. Is it wrong to care so much about others to the extent that you sometimes forget about yourself? This will go on and on in your head. It will affect your mood, it will affects your thoughts, your decisions and even your emotions. Sometimes you feel like you should just be cold, as if an ice maiden, whose touch and stare can freeze and have a heart that has no feeling. But how can we achieve being emotionless when we are blessed with senses and feelings that make us unique? These are ramblings of an uncertain heart and an even more uncertain mind concerned about everything else except one's self. When will you see that maybe it's time you look out for yourself? Wake up! It's not the end. Be happy and live a life. You deserve it. Do it for yourself and not for others. Maybe this time around you'll feel the fulfillment and contentment you have long yearned for. Maybe, just maybe, you'll be a new person, transformed and better. Never broken but fixed. Can boldly face anything and everything with one's chin up. Smile! It's another day...