Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Life Is A Gift And Everyone Is Equal Regardless Of What You May See, Feel Or Think

Life - the great mystery. We all live interesting lives. Although we often deny it, we all have different things that make our lives different from everyone else. Some have complicated lives, others have theirs easy. While others continue to struggle to survive, others don't need to work hard to get food on their tables each day. Some say life is unfair because not all of us are the same. Some blame God because he said we were created equal but they see that this is not true only because all they see is the social status of people, the problems and everything else negative that goes along with their lives. To me, despite all the differences that we see in everyone, we are all created equal because in his eyes it does not matter if you are rich or poor, if you are disabled, special or normal, if you are a sinner or a saint. To him, we are all his children, God's children. 

When I gave birth to Lilly, I had to stay in the hospital for almost six days. During my stay there, I encountered different people each day. Although I do not know their names, I know their faces. When I was admitted to the hospital, I stayed in a ward. Inside one room, there were three patients including me. All patients had at least one companion to keep them company. I had my husband with me. The companions often have a hard time being in the ward as they have no beds to sleep on. Because I had a Cesarean  I could not move on my own yet which only made it more difficult for my husband as he had to take care of me a lot while in the hospital. I felt bad for him as he had to endure sleeping in a chair for many days which is why in the end, his back hurt a lot. During my stay in the hospital, I wasn't much of a talker. I wasn't exactly Ms. Congeniality. Most of the time, I was busy sleeping, praying or just recovering. I was coaxed to eat and was obliged to drink my medicine regularly. But despite all that, I did meet some people and had short conversations with them. If not, I have heard conversations with them by other people or by my husband or my mother. 

The patient on my right was a middle aged woman. She often had different companions with her. Sometimes her husband, her daughter or either of her two sons. She continued to use her cellular phone even while she was in her hospital bed with a dextrose hanging on top of her head. Obviously, she was a very busy woman. My mother asked why she was admitted there. Obviously, being a woman, she already knew why I was there which is why she did not ask anymore. She said that she worked for a big catering company called Josiah's. I have heard of it before and I know that it is a well known catering service especially for weddings. She said that one day, she just felt sick and felt a lump on her throat. She was worried so she decided to get it checked. Upon her check up to another hospital, the results were bad. She and her husband decided to get a second opinion which is why they were there in the same hospital as I was. After several days, she was discharged but was asked to come back to have more tests done as the result of her biopsy has said that the lump could be cancerous. The look on her face says that she couldn't believe it and wouldn't believe it. On the day she was discharged, we all told her that we hope that the lump is not cancerous. We know she still has a family who needs her after all. 

Meanwhile, the other patient to my left was more of a short time patient. She said she suddenly felt pain on her stomach which was unbearable. She had to be observed for 24 hours while tests were conducted on her. Luckily for her, it wasn't that serious. When both patients were gone, a new one arrived. We were told that he was waiting for his wife to deliver their child normally but like me, she ended up having an emergency C section. Prior to her delivery, her mother in law stayed in the room with me. I was alone at that time as my husband and my mother needed to go to my office to talk to my boss about some legal papers that I need for paying the hospital bills. This old lady was a talkative one and she was religious. Sadly, I didn't like her. She said that she had the gift of healing. She said it out proudly. In my opinion, I don't mind that she has it. All I am saying is that shouldn't she be more humble about it? For Jesus never boasted of his many powers to everyone. He was instead humble about it. He showed to everyone that he could do miracles but not because he wanted others to feel that he was better but because he wanted to perform them to help those in need. 

This old lady kept on blabbering about her church and that she was able to go to South Korea for free because of her gift of healing. She said that her son's wife was a Roman Catholic while she was a Christian. She did not question their union but she questioned their fate. She kept on saying that if his son and his wife would have been more religious then they never would have experienced the emergency C section that they were having now. When she asked about my religion, I simply told her I was a Roman Catholic but regardless of my religion, I have faith. I told her that a person cannot be saved by his/her religion which is of course, true. I know that I have a good relationship with the Lord and we have constantly prayed to him more when Lilly arrived. The next day, her daughter in law arrived in the room. That was my last day there. I visited Lilly in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) in order to give her some milk and to see her. Since I was still new to pumping milk, I needed help. One of the nurses who was also a mommy taught me how to do it. I thought it would be an awkward experience but in the end it wasn't. She was very kind to me. She even told me a bit about herself which was unexpected. 

Meanwhile, the other nurse who also took care of Lilly told me how I should take care of her when she's out of the hospital. Although now, I think those things are pointless because Lilly is gone, I still want to thank her for being so thoughtful. Different people, different faces, different lives. Although I can no longer remember the other people that I met while I was in the hospital, I know now that lives unfold each day. We all go through something in our lives. Whether they are good or bad, we all have them. For such things make our lives interesting. Such things make us grow and such things happen whether we like them or not. Although I never touched their lives, I know some of them did. It is sad that the hospital that I am thankful for for giving life to my Lilly and for saving me is also the same one that took her life away. I am not blaming the hospital or the people there. I know that they all did what they could for her. It is just that now, there are more depressing memories there than good ones. Life will always throw curve balls at us time and time again and sometimes we can't catch them to stop them, instead we have to learn to take hits. I have taken hits - a lot of them actually and even if I want to avoid them, I can't. I couldn't. God will always have reasons for everything. 

So although my life isn't exactly where I want it to be right now and things are not exactly perfect, I am glad that I am alive. Although I was not able to touch anyone's lives lately, I am hoping that one of these days I will. The recent deaths of my grandmother and daughter has taught me that death makes us value our lives more. Unfortunately, a friend said that this feeling fleets once we have decided to let go and heal. Although the pain of losing someone never goes away, the feeling that life is precious escapes us when in all honesty, death should be a reminder that life is important and should never be taken for granted. Which is why I am going to try to think of things differently and live life better than I used to. I know I will continue meeting different people and learning more about their lives. I will try not to envy them or try not to think that my life is better than theirs. For we are all equal, regardless if we see, feel or think that we are not. We are all alive after all which is why we should all be thankful for it. 

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