Monday, May 27, 2013

Death Is Real And No Matter How Hard We Try, We Cannot Escape It But We Can Only Accept It

It is a sad year for me and my family as so far, there have been three deaths in our family this year. First, the death of my grandmother last January then, the death of my daughter, Lilly, last March and now, the death of my father's cousin. All of them died at different times in their lives. One died late in her life, the other so very early in her's while the other is in the middle of his. Such instances only proves that death can come anytime. It comes unannounced. It comes without warning. It can come even when you least expect it. Death is a natural process of life. The order of when a person dies is the only thing that is unnatural. 

I know that my mother as well as her siblings still grieve for my grandmother while, my husband and I continue to grieve because we lost Lilly in our lives. I know that my father's relatives are mourning and grieving too for their recent loss. Because death breaks hearts and makes them ache continuously, it can also change people's lives as well as their personalities. 

The death of my daughter has made me different. Now, I am very sensitive with everything that has a connection with her. Even the slightest things that I find randomly can make me remember her. Sometimes I still cry. Sometimes I feel angry. Sometimes I just feel lost. There will always be the feeling of guilt gnawing at me. I don't think I will ever forgive myself for letting my child die. I could have done something even if I knew there was nothing that I could do. The pain is overwhelming. It cripples me to the core but I continue pushing forward like a person lost in the darkness, hoping to find the light.

It is sad that things have to be this way but this is the natural order of life. I would have wanted to be a proud parent. I would have doted on my daughter. I would have made her feel my love every single day. But there is nothing I can do about that. Her passing has taught me how to accept things that I cannot change even though it is hard to do so. I am learning to survive each passing day without her. I know my mother and her siblings are doing the same thing. My father's relatives will have to learn that too. 

The death of a loved one doesn't mean it is the end of the world. Sometimes we just need to hang in there and just let everything pass. There is no time limit for grieving even though they say that time can help heal wounds. Losing someone you love is one of the most inconsolable things that can happen to anyone. Everyone who has lost someone has the right to grieve no matter how long it takes. Death can never be repaired. A loved one who died can never be replaced or brought back. Death is inevitable. 

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