Thursday, October 3, 2013

Hello October...

October has just begun. So many months has passed since I last wrote something here. Time might have passed by and yet, I still grieve for what I have lost. My beautiful daughter could have been 8 months old this month. Oh, the joys she would have brought upon us. But now, all I can do is dream and think of better days. I have survived the months filled with longing. Although I still cry at times whenever I wish my little Lilly was with me, I know that there is nothing I can do about it now. Starting over is never easy. The paths were rocky and unclear but I continued walking hand in hand with my husband in this unexpected journey. Although the paths have started to clear for both of us, there are still some paths that we have to go to blindly. As we continue to cling on to our faiths, we have only one another to survive everything. 

October might have just begun but both of us are hoping for the best. I might not know what will happen next but I am praying that God will lead the way for both of us. 2013 might not have been the year that we have expected it to be. It was filled with nothing but sorrow, hardship and pain but hopefully, this year will end better than it started. We will miss so many people who have been a part of our lives who have passed away this year. Sometimes I wonder if they were all meant to leave us this way. Although are hearts continue to weep and yearn for them, we know we can never bring them back here. But that doesn't mean that we will no longer think about them or even tell them how much we love them. They are in our prayers still.

Oh, October, please be kind to me. Isn't that always what everyone asks for during the start of a new month? I would be a hypocrite if I would say that I would not ask for the same thing. A new beginning, a new life. A lot of changes have happened and a lot more will arrive. I just hope I can be ready and that I will be ready to take them all. My life is not exactly perfect at the moment. It never was and it never will but sometimes I wish it was. Sometimes I wish everything was clear. So, October, please be a better month for me. Please take away the sadness and just give me clarity...

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