Domestic Violence - It Happens To Everyone

Just recently as I was watching the news, I saw a famous reality show housewife come out and admit that she was indeed a battered wife. Many people were shocked with her admission and were even more shaken when she released hard evidence of what had been happening to her. In the past years, I have heard of other more famous celebrities who have publicly admitted to be beaten by their partners, boyfriends and husbands.  Celebrities like Rihanna and Farrah Fawcett-Majors are strong and empowered women who their fans look up to as role models but what happens when even their fame, power and fortune did not save them from such a tragic fate? Ultimately, it is said that for famous people like them, the humiliation is multipllied tenfold. If such a thing happened to a regular woman who had nothing else but her life or those that she loved to protect then it the humiliation isn't as much but still it is a devastating part of any woman's life.


I am a woman and I do not understand why women stay in such abusive relationships but I guess it is easier said than done for others. There are many conflicting reasons that only women like them would probably understand as to why they choose to stay. Let me name some of them... 


1. Probably and almost always due to love.  Yes, they love their partners, their boyfriends and their husbands despite the fact that they hit them when they got drunk and what's worse even when they are sober. Love is a very blinding thing indeed. 


2. They don't know where else to go as they do not have anybody else aside from their partners, boyfriends and husbands. Women who are faced with this kind of dilemma often have to sacrifice freedom ultimately because they are scared to be alone and feel like they cannot survive without their respective other halves.


3. It gets more complicated when there are kids involved. Yes, that's right. Children are often victims to their parents' falling out but sometimes because of these children involved, mothers need to stay and pretend like they are a normal and happy family even when it is all a lie. They try to make it work even if in reality, the kids might already know what is happening but do not want to be without their fathers or be in a broken home.


4. Lastly, I blame society for sometimes being biased when it comes to women leaving their partners, boyfriends or husbands. Society is always quick to judge without even knowing or getting the facts straight first. If a man hits a woman or threatens a woman life, is it not a serious reason for her to leave him and save everyone else that she loves from his wrath? What would take the society to open their eyes, ears and most of all their hearts to these kinds of situations that are becoming common scenarios of families today. Domestic Violence is a crime and no matter how much we value family values, I think we should all consider that this is not something that just be brushed aside.


Knowing people close to you become victims to this kind of crime only makes it worse. I feel bad for them and their children to have suffered so much in the hands of their cruel husbands. I don't really understand as to why such men do it to them but I guess it is really difficult to understand a crazy person's mind. Would you hurt someone you love repeatedly and then plead that they stay in the end just because you promised that you would change? Rubbish! Sure, giving a person another chance is good but giving a person multiple chances to abuse you and make use of you as an ashtray, a doormat or a rug is just not fair. Women must learn to value what they are in society. They must learn to fight and become more aware of these things. Victims of domestic violence often have a hard time dealing with their traumatic experiences however a good group of friends and family members who will support them can make all the changes somewhat easier. If you know any women who are in abusive relationships then I suggest that you report it immediately to the authorities. Reporting such incedents doesn't mean that you are meddling in other people's lives but rather protecting and perhaps even saving them from the dangers that's to come sooner or later. Let's be more responsible by becoming more vigilant. Domestic violence can happen to anyone. It can even happen to you. So act up before it is too late.

I just realized that not only women and children can be victims of domestic violence. Just recently there have been reports that even men have fallen prey to such acts. I just hope that all of us will be able to promote awareness against this kind of crime that can happen to anyone. If you know someone who is being beaten by their partners, parents and spouses then be brave enough to report it. For ignoring what is happening to those around you might be something you will end up regretting in the end. Please let us all stop being blind to these things. Let us all open our eyes, listen carefully and most of all, fight for what is right. Love and violence should never co-exist in one home and you have the power to prevent it. 

What ever happened to my side of the story?

As time passes by, I grow weary of this world filled with negativity. What the hell is with all this hate? Why can't we all just get along for once? I am tired of all the accusations, the backstabbing, the false rumors and the made up stories. I cannot go on living this life  being hated because of those things and because of all the half truths and the white lies that seem to cover up most of the real story so far. I am tired of being pushed around just because I did not do what others thought would be better for me. I am still sensitive because of this and I still cry when I come face to face with such experiences. I really didn't want to bring all the bitter experiences that had happened to me in the past but sometimes I just need a break from it all. Sometimes I wish there was a reset button in my life or perhaps a big eraser to be able to erase the bad things that have happened to me. I want to forget things and start over but how can I when there are more people who do not believe in me and instead just want to bring me down because they think it is what I deserve after everything?


Probably one of the biggest heartbreaks that ever happened to me was when my father and I had a falling apart. It has been a year now and still I am left hurting. I still cry profusely at the mere mention of what had happened. Only a select few know the exact details as to why it happened and because I kept my mouth shut about everything that had happened, I am now being branded by so many people out there and even those among my relatives as the black sheep of the family. It was not like I wanted to have a falling out with him. I know I might have done things that weren't right but that doesn't mean that I should have been made an outcast to the only family that I had. I love them all no matter how much negativity some of them have against me. I am trying to fix the rift between us however I guess time heals all wounds. I have backed off for the mere reason that being rejected and ignored has only made me feel more unwanted. I have tried apologizing and have done my best to explain my side but how can I when I am already being labeled with many bad names by everyone? I'm just confused at this point but I am trying to be strong.


There are some things in my life that were probably not meant to happen and I do not blame anybody else for those failures but myself. I have been given countless opportunities and yet I screwed them up. I may not be at my lowest now but I remember being in that situation so many times before. I have failed not only myself but those still believed in me. I have regarded myself as empty and hollow as I am never ever something that I really wanted to be. Like a robot, I felt like I should just keep on following what society dictates me to be. I can never be just me. I may have been surrounded by things that should have made me happy but I felt like something was lacking. Can society really dictate what makes you happy and whole again? Are we not human beings who were given freedom to choose and decide for ourselves? Wouldn't those things be rendered useless if everything else is dictated and directed? I felt like a caged bird and needed to break free. I wanted to do things that nobody understood and that is where the problems started arising. Being opinionated made me feel like I was too proud of myself because they perceived me to be that way. Being open to new ideas and being free spirited made me feel that I was wild and out of control. I was totally misunderstood. 


Starting over is not easy. As much as I want to do it, I don't  think it will ever properly happen for me. Like a rocket that has failed to launch, that is how I compare what starting over is like for me. I am always waiting for things to happen in my life when I realize that it can never really happen in the end. I guess that is the perfect recipe of failure. I have had so many failures in this life that I have so many regrets already and now, here I am adding more to it. Why? Because people make me feel like I should regret my recent actions and decisions only because they did not match with theirs. I respect what they think but I hope they will too. For respect is a two way thing. Respect begets respect. I don't want to be labeled as something that I am not merely because I do not conform to what the majority wants. I am not a bad person. I am merely misunderstood. I can go on explaining myself to people all day and still not all of them might end up understanding me. I may have had radical approaches and bad judgements in the past but that doesn't mean that I haven't done anything successful and good with my life. I am not useless and most of all, I am not an ingrate. I appreciate every single thing that has made me what I am today and I wouldn't be what I am now if not for those around me. I am eternally grateful to them.


My life is like a drama series being played on TV. Many negative situations have happened to me. Some I have kept to myself while others, I have shared with others. I have had so many painful and life changing experiences in the past that has molded me into the person I am today. I may not be perfect but rather flawed however I am strong. I fight for what I think is right. I am a rebel, whose cause is uncertain to those who do not want to be open to what I believe in. I may not always have things my way but at least I am trying. I may have been selfish in the past because I admit to have done things that have hurt others but I hope that people realize that I have made ammends in the end and that whatever I have done or said might have been for a greater purpose in the end. All I ask is for people to listen and try to be more understanding. As my life can be an open book to those who are willing to let me enter their lives without them judging me. There will always be another side to every story that you hear and sometimes it is best to listen to both sides first before choosing which side you will be on. I am almost always the silent victim in every heartbreaking moment that I have been into and now, I want to take a stand and break that vicious cycle. I just hope that more people will let me...

If you want to hate me, hate me for the right reasons and before you do, do some investigating first. There are always two sides to every story and sometimes you need to listen to both sides first before you can decide on what to do about it. Unfortunately, it seems that my side is often left unheard. It is such a pity that some people are just broadminded. 

My Roller Coaster Weekend

My weekend wasn't exactly how I planned it to be. Most of the things that happened to me were unexpected except for the actual fact that September 11 was actually my younger sister and my father's birthday. With that being said, it was supposed to be a happy weekend but too bad it wasn't. Along with the good news came the bad news. I received news of one of my grandmothers' death last Friday afternoon. She was 88 years old and had died due to complications. She had already gone blind because of her eye condition and through the years, she had become frail and weak. During her last months, she could no longer walk and already found it difficult to eat as well. She had been well loved by most of our family members and I'm sure that my mom's mother, her younger sister, will terribly miss her. The last time that we ever saw her alive was last last weekend but unfortunately this weekend, we already saw her in her coffin. At least, we still got to see her before she left the world of the living. 


Due to the fact that someone had died in our family that only means that we cannot have any kind of grand celebration whatsoever but since it was my sister's birthday, we decided to just eat out together with my other relatives, do a little shopping then afterwards, go our separate ways. We ate out at a restaurant called KKK. They have a newly opened branch at the ground floor of SM Megamall. We have eaten at the same restaurant before but in another location. We ordered so many local dishes with a fancy twist like Sinigang na Lechon, Special Okoy, Binagoonang Pork, Garlic Squid and so on. Although we knew that the dishes were all native dishes, we still thought that the food that they served us were pretty different. The ambiance of the place was good and the staff were very friendly. They all attended to our needs right away. Not to mention that we were given some free Suman Churros with chocolate dip for dessert. Over all even if we did have certain comments about the dishes that we had, everything was appetizing.


While the latecomers continued to eat, my cousin, Rain was getting bored and wanted to go to the arcade. Unfortunately, her parents were still busy taking care of her younger brother, Rian or if not that, eating as well. My husband and I decided to take her instead. We went to Timezone and had some fun playing the games that she chose to play. We all had fun playing kiddie hoops, dance maniax and so on. After an hour, her parents collected her and they departed while we stayed with Mom and Jonee during their shopping. We helped them pick out a new school bag and successfully found one. We also looked for a pair of shoes for both my grandmother and my sister but failed to find designs that they both liked. We then went to the toy store to buy a foam matt that my sister needed for her therapy. After the short shopping trip, we headed back to my other grandmother's wake to see all our other relatives there. To wrap it all up, my weekend has been filled with ups and downs. Sure, we did have fun and enjoy spending time with our loved ones but at the same time, we also felt sad due to the loss of our loved one. That weekend was definitely an emotional rollercoaster for all of us. R.I.P Lola Maxima "Emmang" Sabado Mina. May your soul rest in peace. We Love You and We Will Miss You. You shall be remembered forever.

Mantrums: Looks Like Not Only Women Have Them

Picture this...You and your partner strolling in the mall after eating lunch at a nearby restaurant. You then decide to watch a movie together but it doesn't start until two hours so you decide to hang out at the nearest coffee shop where you just talked for hours. As you realized that the movie was about to start, you go to the cinema to watch the movie. After watching a good romantic comedy movie for not doing so for such a long time, you go to an arcade to play some games to relive your younger years. You have fun and despite the fact that you were tired, at the end of tha day, it was still a perfect date. Everything was perfect until as you are on your way home, something petty happens that ruins everything. How would you feel if that happened to you? I am sure you would be pissed too. Well, I know I was but at the same time, I was confused too. At that moment, I just wanted to roll my eyes at him and just tell him to stop the drama but it looks like it wouldn't actually work so I figured talking it out would be a more appropriate approach but I guess even that was wrong.


I guess tantrums are common not only with women but also with men. If I could give a nickname for such an episode that men have, I would probably call it a "mantrum". I admit that I experience throwing tantrums every now and then but to have a man throw them over even pettier reasons is just strange. Sometimes I realize that one day cannot last with him and me in a perfect and happy way. I'm afraid of such days and sometimes think that when we are at our highest or at our happiest, I'm scared that it will all just go away. I don't want things to go wrong which will only end up with him ignoring me while I continue wondering what went wrong. The worse scenario would be that he wouldn't like talking to me. Honestly, I am baffled by such instances. I guess "mantrums" are normal too especially because I have experienced them first hand from some of the men in my life. Namely my husband and my father. Now, I wonder whether such a thing exists in all men out there or is it just a selective thing. I don't know the answer to that one either but if you know someone who has experienced something like this then I guess it is a pretty universal thing. Good luck with that. But anyway, regardless of all the sudden "mantrums" that my husband suddenly throws which always catches me off guard, I guess I will just have to understand him and be more patient when it comes to being in a relationship with him. I just hope that all the other women out there who have had the same experiences with their family members or partners would be willing to do the same. 

Never confront anyone with a tantrum with another tantrum for a fire cannot be put off but fire as well. The other person needs to know that it is better to back down when needed be so that the situation will be diffused immediately. It may not be in my nature to back down but I do whenever the situation calls for it. I am sure my partner would do the same thing for me too. Patience is the key in these kinds of situations.

Why Do Things Always Have To Change?

I don't know exactly why things have to change but I know that sometimes changes just happen. Change is like an unstoppable force, most of the time. No matter how hard we fight it. It almost always manages to win. Many things may change but there are still things that remain the same. Although much of time has passed, there are still things that have not grown or evolved in time. Can something stay the same in our ever changing world? The answer in fact is an astounding yes. No, we may not be able to control time or control how the way things rapidly change around us but at least, we are lucky enough to know some things that will forever stay the same. For example, no matter how many changes Michael Jackson has had in his appearance until his untimely death, he shall forever remain as one of the kings of pop or no matter how many times we try to change how we look like, we shall forever be known as who and what we are. Not unless we try to alter everything that others know of us drastically. All I am saying is that change is constant around us and sometimes it is hard for us to welcome these changes but come to think of it, change can only be present in some forms but never really entirely. So as much as we hate change, we must find comfort in the fact that some things are just the way they are. 


I am not a huge fan of constant changes although I know that changes are rather inevitable and have become a part of our daily lives. Why do I hate change? I hate it for many reasons. I hate it when things change because somehow I feel like it resets everything and starting over from nothing without regarding any of the efforts that I have done somehow feels sad for me. For example, when one of my friends had to move to another country to live there with her parents, before leaving me and the rest of our friends, we were very close to each other. In the years that passed that we weren't together, we tried to make sure that our friendship remained the same. I remember the constant exchange of letters that we had. As well as the pictures and the postcards. Yes, e-mails weren't so famous back then yet which is why we had to wait for the post to arrive so we made sure for everything that we sent, we made them long and memorable. Much time has passed when I realized things were starting to change between us. I have been constantly writing her but unlike her usual long letters, they became shorter and shorter. Until, her letters became fewer and fewer. At first, I understood and thought of many reasons why she couldn't write to me but as time passed by, I realized that many things have changed. We drifted apart through the years and when we saw each other again, it just wasn't the same anymore. Tragic huh? I know but that's life.


I know that no matter how common changes are in our lives, we still want to experience something that will not change or fade. Although we know that is impossible, we still keep on hoping that one day, we will know something that is that way. Some who do not want to ask for too much just say that if things change, they just always hope that they change for the better and not the worse but if does change for the worse then there is nothing else I can do it about it but live with it. One biggest example of this is love. Love is a feeling. It is often describe as an intense emotion that empowers us to do things that we never really imagined possible. We know that love can change us and most of all, break us. Most men and women out there would like a love that will never change in time. They want a kind of love that becomes stronger and more passionate in time. But how can we ever have that? Is it even possible to have it? Or are they simply figments of our imaginations? I may not know the answer to that but I hope that there is that kind of love. For I know that I am willing to give a love so great and unwavering and I know that I deserve to get the same thing in return. But it isn't about gaining anything or getting what you really want in return. All that matters is that this kind of love reaches you and somehow stays with you. 


Do you believe in change? I am torn whether to say yes or no to that one. Sure, maybe I do when it comes to other things but I am not entirely sold on the word itself. Life may change constantly without us knowing it but don't you just wish that sometimes time will stop and let things just stand still for a moment. I wonder what will happen then. I guess time and change go hand in hand in many ways and both of them go by so fast. Sometimes I don't want things to go by so quickly and instead just see things unravel before my eyes. But I guess changes are necessary. No matter how much we dislike them. But what happens when we find ourselves having a hard time accepting these changes? Then I guess the answer is pretty obvious. Life will not exactly be impossible but it would rather be filled with complications. Changes happen even as we speak. We hold no control over them. They happen even if we don't want them to. So, what else can we do to them but just live with them. Life isn't as easy as we thought it would be, I know, but we can always learn to live with that. Also bear in mind that changes happen for a reason. You may not approve of their reasons but they will still happen just the same. I may be a skeptic when it comes to change but I guess sometimes I just have to give it a chance somehow. It wouldn't hurt to try. Don't you think so too?

Change is not welcome to other people. Which is why some of them often have their own reasons why they choose not to change. I guess they have the right to stay the same just as those who believe that changing is everything. To each his own, I say.

 Change eventually molds us. It apparently makes us change even if we don't want to. We are affected by everything around us so I guess I can blame other factors for why people constantly change. This is also applicable for other non human things around us. Just like in the law of motion: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Maybe that's really how it goes.

 I may sound like a fool right now but sometimes I believe that some things will stay the same forever. No matter how many times this has been proven to me as impossible. Who cares? I still wish it were true.

Maybe this is applicable for some relationships but I do not want to believe that this is something that happens in every relationship there is. Love grows and evolves in time and if you know that you and your partner are together at the process then why stop it? When instead you should be cherishing it and reliving a fairy tale of your own every single day of your life. Wouldn't that be something?

This is something that I truly believe in. This has happened to me way too many times but still I am not afraid to make new friends who could possibly be my best friends someday. Who knows? 

Unlucky Me

I can't say that I am the queen of unluckiness, misfortunes or bad luck but I can say that I have had my share of it one too many times. So I decided to make a list of all the bad things that happened to me in the past. Let's just say they were filled with mixed emotions. I felt embarrassed, angry, ashamed and at the same time foolish. Looking back at all of them makes me laugh now but I still can't deny the fact of how I felt during those times. I just hope they never happen to me again anytime soon. I don't think I can ever rank them or put them in proper order but I am positively certain of sharing them all to you now so if you are ready to hear about my mishaps then here goes...


1. Falling down a wide staircase made of cement at an amusement park. 
It was during a field trip back in elementary in Oman. Only a few people saw it and nobody dared to laugh at me but then again I know most of them were already laughing inside the whole time. I didn't want to mention it to anyone after that. It was like something that I wanted to be forgotten.


2. Bad mouthing someone without realizing he/she was actually near me or behind me. 
Not like I meant it. I merely said the truth but then again I guess it was bad to do it behind their back. Yes, that was my fault.


3. Experiencing Diarrhea while on my way to my college and eventually had to go down the jeepney to knock in one of houses' doors to use their toilet but when I got there I realized I was beyond help and that I needed to wash my underwear. (EWW! GROSS!) 
Good thing the family was understanding and decided to help me. They asked me to just change into their daughter's clothes while they washed my pants and underwear in the washing machine. Thank God for Good Samaritans!


4. Riding in an FX and arriving at work only to find out my jeans/pants was ripped in the crotch area. This happened two times. 
One time was when I still worked full time in my hubby then boyfriend's office. I asked him to bring anything I could borrow for that day so he saved me. Second time was when I was working in a different company which was why I had to buy myself my own pants to save myself from all the humiliation of walking around with my pants ripped.


5. Riding in a jeepney and arriving at work with my jacket/shirt ripped in the armpit area. 
When I got to the office, I first borrowed a stapler to put staple wire in the armpit area but as soon as it was my break time I immediately looked for some pins that I could buy to put in the armpit area of my jacket for the mean time.


6. While in a hurry to ride a bus, I avoided a woman walking slowly in front of me only to almost hit a blind man in front of me. 
I turned around but so did he so I ended up tripping in his stick and bending it but eventually riding the bus. It was only when I was already sitting down did I realize what had happened and I really felt sorry about it but I could no longer do anything as the bus already started moving.


7. Tripping in front of everyone in the middle of a busy street and sidewalk. While in a hurry to get to work, I walked in my high heels in front of McDonalds El Pueblo with my big laptop shoulder bag. I was too busy not trying to be late when I realized that there was a brick missing in the road so I tripped in the middle of a crowd that all stopped when it happened and what is more embarrassing is that all the vehicles stopped too because of the stop sign. Everybody saw me fell. I immediately stood up. Brushed myself up and smiled. All I could say was "I'm okay" then went back to walking. Yes, I could hear giggling and laughing and perhaps gossiping as well as I passed the people and the vehicles by but who cares? What happened already happened. I should just deal with it.


8. I ride a public transportation then go down my stop then realizing I accidentally forgot to pay my fare. (This happened almost a lot in college.)


9. Almost surprising someone who I thought was someone I knew but when I got closer I suddenly realized I was wrong but it was too late so in the end, I make a total fool of myself.
Like one time I was on my way home, I thought I saw an old office mate of mine who was passing through. I wanted to say hi to the person by trying to surprise him but as I was about to say "HUY" to this person, he turns around and catches me looking at him so I decide to go to the other direction and just ignore him as I realized he just looked like my old office mate but it wasn't really him. 


10. I see someone I know at an elevator or someplace public but don't know if he/she still remembers me so I decide to endure the awkward moment of being near them without greeting them and making them do the first move. 
If they do greet me then I will too but sometimes its more like we just look at each other altenately and then we eventually look at each other at the same time we just smile. Odd huh?


I am pretty sure there are more but these are the only things that I remember for now. Now you know that my life is filled with mishaps and misadventures. As much as I want to forget or erase most them in my head, I don't think I will be able to do so. So I might as well just share these embarrassing things to everyone to laugh about with high hopes that it would cheer them up on a gloomy rainy day or on a sad day filled misfortune. Don't worry; you are not alone.